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Do You Want to Be My Friend?

The most common question everyone asks each other: How are you doing?

Majority of the world gives some generic response:

· “I’m fine, how are you?”

· “Doing well, how about you?”

· “Living the dream” (my personal favorite)

Not many people tell others how they are TRULY doing. Many feel that they don’t want to burden others with their struggles, or some are even embarrassed to admit their faults and struggles to others. We all do this, in one way or another. We hide behind generic phrases just to get past conversations, when deep down our insides are screaming at us to let it out to someone.

When I first told those closest to me that I was moving across the country, I got very mixed reactions. Most were happy that I was following my dreams and seeing the world. Others, were more realistic and said it was going to be very difficult. Me being me, I of course brushed the negative things off because how hard could it possibly be?!

Well let me tell you, it’s hard. Not like solving a complex algebra problem hard, but emotionally, moving across the country from ALL of your friends and family and everything that you know, hard. I never in my wildest dreams thought it would be this hard. I truly thought I was ready to let go of New York and the people there, and move on to bigger and better things. Now, I’m not saying that I regret my decision in any way, because truthfully I don’t. I guess I just wish I could have prepared myself better, but then again, is that even possible without actually making the jump? I don’t think so.

These last few months have been tough. I’ve suffered with some serious episodes of anxiety and depression, but never anything like what I’ve experienced in the past. These things are not something new to me, I’ve struggled for a while. After a particularly rough episode 2 years ago, I actually tried medication to see if it would help. It didn’t, not for me at least, it just made me numb to everything. I wasn’t myself anymore. If anything, being on the medication set me back. I bottled up all of my emotions and the meds made it so that I didn’t truly feel anything. I’m not trying to bash anxiety and depression meds, because I know there are people out there that these medications work wonders for, they just weren’t the answer for me. I could go more into detail about my whole experience with those medications, but that’s for another time. (I actually wrote a post about this a couples years ago, read it here) Anyways, back to my original thought.

When I first moved to Austin, Texas I was so excited. Living in a new city with new experiences at every turn seemed like a dream. What people don’t tell you (or they do but you just don’t listen, like in my case) is that being alone in a big city can be extremely lonely. Now I’m not totally alone, I have my amazing boyfriend, and his whole family here, who I know would do anything for me if I needed it. But, with that being said, I didn’t/don’t have anything of familiarity remotely close to me. I’m the type of person who enjoys being surrounded by my friends, no matter how small my circle is. When I moved here I didn’t realize how truly difficult it is to make friends as an adult. I mean they have a whole bunch of dating apps, why don’t they have a “wanna be my friend” app?? (Note: they might, I just haven’t really researched it)

I hoped that maybe I’d be able to make friends at work, and I have, but not like the “Hey, want to grab a drink after work?” type of friends. This is something that I’m really struggling with. Because of this, I don’t really do anything outside of work. I come home, eat something, then lay on the couch and watch TV until I go to sleep, and then wake up and do it all over again. It’s taken a serious toll on me emotionally.

I know the best way to meet people is to go out and DO things, but as an adult, how do I make friends? Do I just walk up to someone at a random place and ask “do you want to be my friend?” Obviously, that’s not totally how it works, I mean it might after a few drinks, especially since drunk girls in the bathroom are probably some of the nicest girls you’ll ever meet (but really) :insert laughing emoji here: Really looking for some advice on this…any tips from those who up and moved and left everything they know behind?

That’s all I have for now. I know it’s just a mess of jumbled thoughts, but maybe this will speak to someone who actually took the time to read all eight hundred and something words of random thoughts, and if you did, I’m grateful.

❤❤ Alisha

Note: I feel the need to throw this out there…I’m not writing this for the sympathy vote, that’s not at all what I’m looking for. I just know that there are many of us out there who are going through this, even in a place you’ve grown up in.

Note: For my friends and family back home reading this, I’m okay, really I am. It’s just hard :)

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